This is me in a beautiful Texas chair. How gorgeous is that burnt orange?! Also, look at my body! I can tell it’s changing big time in this pic. My belly is a little smaller, my face is shrinking, and those shorts will probably only make it through this one last summer! WOOHOO! Bevo would be proud! 🙂
I definitely feel like I have been just barely skating by in the last week. I have maintained my weight and even lost a little (252.2 at last weigh in), but I haven’t really tried to fix my eating or bingeing issues. So, I’m challenging myself.
I am most certain I will regret putting this out there for all of you to read, but I am going to give up all things sweet in the month of April. I have yet to decide if that includes diet drinks, but I have a feeling that it will. I am petrified! I have clung to my sweets and diet drinks while walking the beginning of this journey and I keep thinking to myself, “What the hell will I use as a vice now?” Everyone has SOMEthing…beer, drugs, sex, food, cigarettes, SOMETHING, but I will be left with none of those things (Well, sex, but I am married and I don’t use it as a vice. Also, I do drink a beer on occasion, but as a future drug/alcohol counselor it is also not a vice, nor something I turn to in an effort to reward myself….coke and chocolate are those things for me) and I am terrified!
I have started trying to apply some of the tools that help with the coping of addiction to my eating issues. No word on how that’s coming along just yet, but it was that thought process that gave me the drive to quit sweets in April. If I can ask a drug addict to give up meth or crack or coke, then surely I can walk away from Dr. Pepper Ten and snack cakes, right? Harder than it sounds, for sure!
I am still going to do the 5k and I am hoping that the month of April will really kick that into gear for me. The desire is within me and I really wanna go out and just do it, but I am standing in my own way.
I am taking these issues one day at a time. When I mess up I suck it up and start over. When I feel down I suck it up and push on through. When I don’t wanna run I sit on my butt in the house and congratulate myself for eating better and keeping within my calorie range. See the issue?
I’m working on it.
One day at a time; I’m still doing it.
So, I have met my first goal! I lost 20 pounds! Can you believe it?! I weigh 253.6 at this point. I am beyond excited.
I did reward myself for losing the 20 pounds with a mini shopping spree. I didn’t buy anything crazy because I know I will continue to lose, but I did buy a few things. It was fun to reward myself for hard work. My next goal is to weigh 240 pounds by May 1st. I think this one will be really hard, but it is definitely doable. I’m gonna work really hard, stay on target, and think positive!
This is what I am going to purchase for myself when I hit 240…
If you’re not a woman you won’t care, but that is the Naked Palette by Urban Decay. I want it, but I am not going to purchase it until I reach 240. Can you imagine all the awesome things I am gonna have by the time I reach my ultimate goal?! Lol, I swear I’m not doing this for the stuff. In fact, the stuff is just icing on the cake. The recognition for myself that I CAN and I am doing this is the reason; the body that has more energy; the attitude that is more positive because I feel better, that is why I am doing this.
I have a mini goal (no prize included) for next Monday I want to weigh 250! I CAN DO IT!
I am still doing it and I am kicking its ass!
This week has been tough! I am enjoying the laziness of it, but my goodness I need to go back to school and work to get back on track.
However, I have not gained one ounce! I am fairly thrilled about that since my bingeing and bad choices are at an all time high this week. I am hoping that by maintaining some control and getting back on track all the way next week I’ll drop a ton of weight! This is my hope. I think it’s entirely possible.
My stepson and I have had a blast this week so the whole thing has been worth it. We have played every game under the sun, done Crayon Art, and spent tons of time at the park and playing with friends. We even had a good time with family and cousins this morning. It has been a wonderful visit!
So much fun to make and super easy. Also, looks great hanging up!
Tomorrow we are heading out of town to visit my parents and do a little shopping on Friday. I am hoping that being out of town will help me not to think about food as much.
Still doing it! 🙂
Who is three ounces away from the 20 pound mark? This girl right here!
I weighed in at 255.2.
I can not wait to see 254 (or lower) on that scale. I will feel fantastic and accomplished.
The last month has been one of the hardest on this journey and I just started. If you will remember, I am approximately two months into it. The first four weeks flew by and I lost the majority of my weight in that time. The last four have drug on and been so full of hard things to conquer. I find myself learning more and more about how I need to be eating every day.
I do well for breakfast and lunch on most days, however supper is a different story. I want to eat and eat and eat and then have some dessert before the day is done. I am struggling to overcome this, but it’s hard. However, I am still overcoming in general and have not let this issue get me down. Every single day I wake up and start all over and make myself dig dipper and move on. It is so hard, but so worth it.
My next goal is to weigh 240 by May 1st.
I CAN DO THIS!
I am doing this. Don’t you like how my blog has turned into one big motivational speech to myself? Feel free to borrow my positive words!
You know what’s next, huh? I AM STILL DOING THIS!
I hate days like today.
One thing happens and it affects your whole day. I had someone make a rude, stupid comment to me in class (something and someone I should not even think twice about) and it has just spiraled downward from there. I like to pretend that these things bother me, but they do.
I should be on the elliptical or at least seeking out a new pair of running shoes, but I just don’t wanna deal with anything fitness related today. And, yes, my eating is off today. It’s better than it would normally be and to be honest I consider that a huge step up. There are no stashes of contraband in my house so I had to make do with what I had which makes the repercussions not quite so severe. 60 calorie Jell-O puddings make it hard to gorge. I suppose I could eat all of them (I had two as it were), but my shrunken belly could take no more after I started to binge. As much as I hate detailing this I am proud at where I have come from in such a short time. I would kept going back to the kitchen again and again, but I have maintained my want (need?) and stayed away.
Due to this issue I am seriously considering finding a therapist or at the very least a counselor. Since this is the profession I will be entering into I recognize I am addicted to eating. It feels a very serious void in me that is caused by emotional pain. I really feel like to maintain this change and work towards doable goals I need to get my emotions in check because they are definitely not anywhere near in check now. I need to dig deep and figure some things out so that I don’t continually try to stuff food into myself to cover up whatever is bothering emotionally. God is probably the best therapist I could ask for, but I also recognize the ability that He has to work through others for our good. I feel this is what therapy can be. Talking with someone helps our thoughts to come out and be dealt with and this is important when dealing with big issues. I obviously have some semi-big issues because I like to eat even when I’m not hungry and I let my bad habit sabotage so many good things.
I hate being mature and emotionally aware. 🙂
Today is a hard day, but…I guess…I think…I am still doing it. And, I will keep doing it no matter how bad the day is.
PS. If you are a runner and your reading my blog I would still like some advice on elliptical training for a future 5k. K, thanks! 🙂
Okay, I am signing up for my first 5k race in the coming week. I had heard about it and dismissed it, but a friend of mine reminded me that it’s not how fast I run the race, but that I finish at all is what counts. She set my head straight and so I am gonna do it! I am fuh-reaking out! I am so excited though! I can’t believe I will be accomplishing a bucket list goal!
I weighed in at 256.8 yesterday morning. I AM STOKED! Getting back on track has been going well. I crave bad things at night most of all, but I have purchased some 60 calorie Jell-O pudding snacks and that seems to help! I am still counting calories and stay in the 1500 range.
So, runners, I have a question. Will training on my elliptical machine be enough for the 5k? It is in 6 weeks and any advice you give will be taken seriously! Please, help me!
Happy weekend (well, what’s left of it)!
Sweating my butt off on the elliptical! (Excuse the dirty laundry behind me and the nosy dog in front of me)
2012 is My Year! 